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When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can get over this disease, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”