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Encountering rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, delivering a firm “Nope.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas half a century past, upon completing my studies. From that point, I have had several works turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous pieces. Over the past two decades, concentrating on personal essays, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career number in the thousands. By now, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Far from it. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: At this point, nearly each individual and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: recently, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. In 2016, over 50 editors rejected my manuscript before a single one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 agents declined a project. An editor suggested that I submit my work less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no stung. I felt attacked. I believed my writing was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? Why would editors be overlook my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Excellent Precedents

Of course, I was in excellent company. Accounts of creators whose work was initially rejected are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Most US presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost elections. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and bid to appear were rejected 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to motivate me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the seventh stage of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an publisher may have already featured a like work, or have something underway, or be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the editor feels I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the market for the wares I am offering. Or didn’t focus and scanned my work too fast to recognize its value.

You can call it an awakening. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are forever not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my writing style, particularly commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was 51, another, a personal story, at retirement age—and over 1,000 articles. These works have been published in newspapers major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. My debut commentary appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for half a century.

Yet, no major hits, no book signings in bookshops, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take no at this stage, because my, humble successes have softened the stings of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What lessons have I learned?

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